Cindy Reviews

(image courtesy of tvequals.com)

So I need to start this recap by saying that I actually am truly sad Smash has been cancelled. 3 more episodes left? What? That’s sad, y’all. I don’t know if I can still pull out my usual snark (HAHA oh I probably can) but I’m going to tone it down because I am legitimately bummed about this. It was a good idea  for a show, it just had its bumps along the way.

In other news, I’m home this weekend so yes, that means I’m watching this episode with my MOM who is HILARIOUS so this should be fun. She’s making us watch the last song in last week’s episode first while she sings along with Jeremy Jordan because she really liked that song. Rockstar, that Marcia S. Look out, Jeremy Jordan, you’ve got a 60 year old fan in Upstate NY!

All right, to this week’s episode! Hit List is in previews and Lindsay Mendez is singing with Christian Borle on the piano? Just pull at my heartstrings a little more, Smash.

Then, because everyone wanders through times square constantly, Ivy and Karen run into each other and walk a few blocks without having to dodge other pedestrians or tourists. Smash, I want to go to that Times Square! Why it no exist in real world?!

In further news, apparently Red Hair is going to SING in this episode? I love it, but, like… can she? Also, Daphne Rubin-Vega’s character as press agent-marketing director-crazy person has somehow found out confidential Tony nominating info and tells Vests he’s a shoe-in for Best Score but Ivy might not be nominated for Best Actress because one time she fell onstage in that other show we don’t talk about anymore and sometimes she takes pills. Womp womp!

Take off your stupid hat, Karen!

Since Hit List has transferred to Broadway, now they’re encountering the problem of the audience being too far from the stage as opposed to the intimacy of an Off-Broadway house (tell me something I don’t knowww). Also, they’re replacing Krysta Rodriguez with her understudy the night before they open or something. Ugh.

We come back from a commercial with Ivy doing a commercial for a Ford Fusion (nice product placement there, guys!) and for a minute I’m like wait, is this real? It wasn’t. Then, good quote from our friend Vests- “I’ll be the emcee, NATCH!” Oh dear.

We learn Krysta’s character is getting replaced because of a scandal with Derek and then we see a number of Hit List where they’re at the VMA’s (?!?!) and Karen is moved around stage on a white staircase and there’s a lot of strobe lights and wind machines and I just can’t even try to figure out what’s going on anymore.

2 more left. Let’s do this!!

(image courtesy of BroadwayWorld.com)

Well, this week’s episode opens with Bad Decision #5,000,000 of Smash, in that Karen and Director Jack are about to hook up after 2 seasons of n-and-off he-cheated-on-me crap. Ugh.

Meanwhile, Jimmy is living in a HUGE but poorly maintained apartment with his drug dealing brother and SINGING ABOUT IT. As you do. No, I’m sorry.. a HOLOGRAM of himself is singing… to him… about it. He then crawls onto Karen’s fire escape and sees Director Jack there and it’s awkward. Duh.

Once everyone starts talking about marketing I have to tune out because I’m sorry, 1 person (in this case, Daphne Rubin-Vega) does not a marketing/press/advertising team make! :)

Also, Kyle’s dead now.

But not really, because we get to see him in EVERYONE’S mind as flashbacks of previous conversations they had with him. Tear.

Everyone then does a concert version of Hit List for the audience that night in his memory. Jimmy shows up AS IT’S STARTING to reclaim his part, and then is like “no, we’re not doing this concert style- everyone get in your places and strike these chairs pronto!”… and they do.

Then outside of Bombshell, somehow people are allowed to bring their sippy cups of wine out front onto the sidewalk, open container laws be damned! Oh, Smash! Jerry shows up and says he’s taking his investor money to Hit List now to win ALL THE TONY’S and compete against Bombshell, cause obviously they’re the only 2 shows that are contenders. Boom.

(image courtesy of nbc-smash.tumblr.com)

I don’t know if I should start by addressing the drunk Kathie Lee Gifford on the screen pretending to be in a segment for The Today Show within a show in Smash or something? WHAT?!?! I. don’t. know. I can’t un-see Kathie Lee in a Marilyn wig being swirled around on a stage. Oh! There’s Anjelica Huston, so… like… this is a real part of the show and not that Jeremy Jordan “arts in schools” commercial that runs also during Smash? Awkward…

Meanwhile, a photo shoot is happening for Hit List but Jimmy is nowhere to be found, 2 hours late to his own show’s shoot. CLASSY!

Then, something about Marisa Tomei breaking her leg and that meaning an Andrew Lloyd Webber show is closing and Bombshell will win ALL THE TONYS…? I mean… no. I can’t even keep track of this anymore. Then, Vests and Red Hair are arguing over how they’re going to ruin the Gatsby musical they want to create next, instead of worrying about the current show they have. Yay!

To make my life complete, Carolee Carmello makes a cameo as Kyle’s mom and brings in some more awesome red hair to this show. I really want red hair, guys, in case you couldn’t tell. I secretly wish for her and Debra Messing to stare at each other in a mirror and mime being the same person with fabulous red hair but that’s weird, and thankfully they don’t, so there. Sigh.

In a moment that you KNOW is going to ruin everything, Jimmy puts a little bag of coke in his back pocket before going onstage before Broadway producers scoping out the last night of Hit List. I. CAN’T. The more we see of Hit List, the more I realize it is just Jimmy mumbling at a piano to a vague beat while Karen wears a stripper costume and poses next to the piano and/or on risers next to him. Then, some guys interpretive dance with chairs and basically the ensemble from In the Heights does a bunch of freeze frames while holding iPads. I wish I was kidding. We’ve got to save this show, guys!

In a turn of events I have to admit that I DIDN’T see coming this time, Kyle gets hit by a car. No, I lied. I’m typing this before I see it because I heard that he will get hit by a car in this episode. But oh, it seems like it’s not before he sings his moment-in-the-sun(moon?) song of all songs while walking down the street in total darkness! I’m really uncomfortable watching this cause I KNOW it’s coming. Then it happens. We see headlights and then in the previews for next week, a picture of Kyle and talk of “doing it for Kyle!” so yeah, I’m pretty sure they killed off the one nice, decent character and will use that as motivation for Jimmy to get clean and back with Karen and then their show will move to Broadway and everyone wins all the Tony’s ALWAYS AND FOREVER. I’m done. Goodnight and good luck, Smash!

(image courtesy of smash.wikia.com)

You guys! It’s OPENING NIGHT! Of a fictional show! Aren’t you so excited?! After the last preview before opening, Vests and Red Hair sit in the middle of the audience that’s filing out and start pitching ideas for a new show, for some weird, weird reason. Oh, Smash! Then we see Ivy sadly overhearing some theatergoers saying that she was the reason the show sucked because all of her credits have been in the CHORUS which is obviously not how anyone starts out. Obviously. Then she falls into a downward spiral of reading All That Chat message boards in bed.

Meanwhile, in Hit List last, they are SOLD OUT for the rest of their run! (Is it, like, a week?) Also, Anjelica Huston has invited the whole cast to the Bombshell opening because we need to re-iterate, once again, how fake this world is. Sigh. Also, Krysta Rodriguez is falling in love with Jimmy’s creepy drug dealing ex-friend who keeps hanging around outside the theater (cause that’s what drug dealers do! prey on theater patrons, duh!). Meanwhile, Jimmy is finally being nice to Karen and wants to confess everything to her (although I’m sure his hooligan friend is going to ruin that somehow. He always does!)

Meanwhile, Vests is at a meeting about directing a City of Angels revival on Broadway next year? Sure. Whatever. Sure.

But then, OH, THEN! - we see Red Hair’s weirdo son is back! He’s still slurring his words and saying weird things like “will Ivy get naked in this show?!” and then he picks up the book of “The Great Gatsby” and Red Hair starts talking about how she always wanted to make that into a musical and… nope. I can’t. Red Hair is bringing him as her dates cause fine, he’s her son and all, but nooo. They’re in the limo together with Vests when she hands him a copy of the book letting him know they have the rights. Oh, but…. that City of Angels revival! 2 Broadway bound shows to choose from? The horror!

Anyway, from what we see of the Megan Hilty-as-Marilyn opening performance of Bombshell is just like… UGH! Meghan HIlty! You are amazing! That’s all. For a moment I wish that this was a real Broadway show because it has some great moments, but then I remember that there’s probably no real book because we just see an occasional song snippet. Ah, life. For some reason, in the lobby after people are drinking and slow dancing, as you do I guess (no).

Then, at another after party at some insanely fabulous venue, Ivy sings again (yay! LOVE this episode!) but Karen joins her. It’s also this duet which now solidifies them as besties(!) and convinces Jesse L. Martin to be like “we’re going to Broadway with Hit List now! Let’s put these two against each other again for a Tony award cause of course they’ll both be nominated against each other!”

And then.. Oh no… OH NO… Vests starts hitting on Kyle and it’s awkward cause he’s probably a good 25 years older than him and in my mind Kyle is like 12. Then they leave the after party together. Gahhh!

We end with Anjelica Huston being like “Let’s double our advertising budget so we can win all the Tony’s.” ALL THE TONY’S! Good luck to ya!

(image courtesy of tvline.com)

We open this week’s episode with Vests having a nightmare that he’s naked onstage at the half hour call of the show. Awkward! Also, Director Jack and Ivy are hooking up again? What is happening in this world of Smash?

Back in the land of Jeremy Jordan and Karen, he’s apparently become a crazy functioning human now who can write 9 songs in 3 days while only dreaming about adderall and Red Bull.

In Bombshell land, it’s the invited dress and EVERYTHING is going wrong and the whole audience just saw Ivy’s lady parts. Womp womp. But like… now the creative team kinda wants her to get naked onstage every night now because of all the press it got them. Scandalous!

I’m not quite sure what’s happening with Hit List, except for Director Jack has resorted to speaking only in completely unintelligible mumbles, and Red Hair is the only person in the audience to watch some sort of new presentation of the re-worked show. Kyle is still wearing his chunky knits- oh, how he loves those chunky knits! Then Director Jack decides to re-run the whole show and change more things and choreograph stuff on the spot but no one has pencils to write this down! Oh no! The look on Karen & Jeremy’s faces when they realize they’re basically not in this show anymore, though, is worth all the weirdness. “That’s my song!”, Karen says. “It’s my favorite song! It’s my character’s anthem!”. Aw. No one cares. Then Kyle takes Director Jack’s side and you just KNOW Jeremy Jordan is gonna do some a ‘dem drugs he has in one of his many leather jacket’s pockets and mess. him. up. Chunky knits can’t save you now, Kyle!

Back in Bombshell land, the first preview is going on as planned even though nobody is readyyyy. It all works out somehow, though. Well, for almost everybody… Vests’ boyfriend does not like that he’s been in 7 Broadway shows and a lead in the Book of Mormon tour but now he’s only a Swing in Bombshell. Well.. uh… that/s kinda how things work in the industry soooo yeahhh. Not that sympathetic. You’re still in a Broadway show… so settle down there.

Just like I imagine Glee fans are feeling when the show cuts from High school to NYC for college life, we switch back again to Hit List drama. Karen’s got one hand in Jimmy’s pocket, and the other one is just lying there limp. Oh, but Hit List isn’t done yet. Vests, fresh off what he thinks is a successful 1st preview, tries to look up press on his phone for the show, but ends up finding a NYTimes article saying that Hit List is better than Bombshell. Yeah okay. Now eeeverybody’s angry. Sigh!

(image courtesy of nbc-smash.tumblr.com)

It’s the first Saturday Smash, friends! We open on something so exciting that everyone wants to see… a tech rehearsal! Fun, right?! RIGHT?!?! Fun times! In actual fun news, Anjelica Huston is all over the NYTimes Arts report (since hot bartender was a felon. Bummer!) and Karen is alll over Jimmy in a coat closet, because what we’ve learned from Smash is that coat closets are good for 2 things- making out, and stealing valuables to pay off your drug dealer who you are NOT, I repeat NOT still involved with. Vests has a new plan to make Ivy’s birthday amazing so she’ll stay his friend (“call Liza”, he says!). Oh, if only it were that easy…

The next thing we see is a musical number where I don’t immediately dislike Karen, so of course it’s by Pasek & Paul! Love them. Buut… why is the NYTimes Theater guy just sitting in the audience watching rehearsals? Does he not have any other shows to care about? Seems a little strange, no? Then, because apparently he lacks any and all credibility, he SUGGESTS that the Director hook up with Karen FOR A GOOD STORY. Gahhhhh.

Um, best part of this episode so far? Ivy speed walking across the stage muttering “Code Red! Code Red!” about Vests planning another birthday party for her. Bahaha.

Meanwhile, Andy Mientus is being cornered by Red Hair and Jesse L. Martin to rewrite the script for Hit List, and Jimmy is nowhere to be found (ie: still making out in a coat closet) and no one is like “hey, where is he? did no one see him”? Ugh.

I’d just like to pause now to take a moment to say that I’m watching this episode with my mom this week, and multiple times she has said, “You tell him, Karen!”. Oh, mom. :)

Cut to an awkward birthday dinner with Ivy and Vests, with Anjelica on her NYTimes date in the background as they all wait for LIZAAA! And then she’s there! Man, I always forget just how epic her voice is (speaking voice, even!) until each time I hear it. EPIC! Oh, but then she sings. She speaks in a dramatic whisper, and then she sings, people! They don’t show her face a lot because, as I would hope, Liza Minnelli is not that great at lip-synching. She probably never has before this, let’s be real.

Back in the land of (no)Hit List, Director Jack confesses that he still cares about Karen, probably hoping she will break up with Jimmy for him. Why, though? This makes no sense. Also, Jimmy is gonna flip a shiiiit when he realizes Red Hair has made his writing partner note-card-on-cork-board their whole show into a different order. Eh.

Back in Ivy-land, she’s out celebrating her birthday with the REST OF THE CAST, and Vests comes to give her the keys that she dropped at their outing earlier, and it’s super awkward. And there’s no Liza. Abort mission!

Then, back to Hit List land, where I’ve given up all hope of telling the difference between Jimmy & Karen in real life, or Jimmy & Karen rehearsing the show. Life is imitating art to the extreme here, in the saddest, messed up way possible.

Remember Dev, guys? Hahaha. Ok.

I’m going to refrain from snarky comments on the ending montage to a remix of “Bittersweet Symphony” because I’m pretty sure that speaks for itself.

Also- Karen finds the drugs in Jimmy’s pocket when he decides to be a decent human and gives her his coat slash acknowledges their relationship in public! Run, Karen! Run! She doesn’t run. Obviously.

Until next Saturday!

(image courtesy of Smash on Facebook.com)